Today was a really cool aha moment for me. It was manicure and pedicure day for my 84 year Grammy.  My parents were there too.  We all chipped in to assist her to get her home "summer ready".   We were all outside ready to leave and here come the other 85 year old and 89 year Granny's to collect my Granny  for their daily afternoon 1 mile walk!

There were 3 generations in the driveway.  Me, my mother, and my Grammy.  As I observed these amazing women and studied the wisdom and years of experiences in their faces I felt such a peace about growing old.  They all seemed so happy just to be outside in the fresh air and so happy to be alive and at the same time; I sensed their own peace in their time to die.  It felt as though they were so present and so okay with life.

I've been on such a search for my purpose on this earth for all of my life and today it just occurred to me that maybe I'm living my purpose in every moment and my need for my life to be BIG just isn't so necessary.  Maybe it's just about giving my love to others and helping my Grammy when she needs help, and being there for family and friends when they need someone.

Today I was at peace with where I am in my life.  I was at peace with what I've accomplished and lived through in my life.  I felt at peace with growing older.  I felt at peace just as I am.

Hi Friends;

So today started out to be SO depressing!  For those of you who I  do not know, I'm in a straight commission sales job... that I hate.. Ok. Hate's a strong word; I really hate it.  Why you ask? Because it is not in alignment with my beliefs nor does it give me life.  I sell chemicals and being the environmentally conscience person that I am; it bothers me.  Not to mention I work and deal with men all day that have no fucking clue and are dead asleep conscientiously.

When I woke up and looked at my schedule I wanted to cry because I know in my heart this is not what I want to do for the rest of my life and if God put me on this earth to do just this, I would certainly feel jipped!  So, what do we do when we hate our job but it provides us with insurance or pays our bills, or even provides us with the luxuries we could not have otherwise?  We find another way in our time away from work to enjoy what we do and enjoy our lives.

As I went through my day I tried to do yoga and I hate to admit this but a suicidal thought ran through my head and it freaked me out.  I kept telling myself, "This Too Shall Pass" and to keep moving forward until I came around the corner.  There is always something good right around the corner.  Unfortunately, we lose our loved ones and distance friends to suicide every day because they just couldn't wait until they turned the corner.  They gave up before the turn and on the other side was a miracle!

I cannot be the only person on this planet, that the thought has crossed their mind.  But what keeps me going is the sheer fear of the karma of that.  I, nor do any of us have the right.  It's the time to send an SOS and ask for help and not allow our pride and ego to overcome our desperate souls in that moment. We are all human and we ALL struggle at one point or another.  And we ALL need help.  Nobody gets through this life alone and at the very least, when shit hits the fan, that's the time to hit your knees and pray!

So, as I turned the corner about 1pm today, I got my first order from work.  Then came a call for a casting for an eye commercial.  (Then came my smile for the day :))Then came my 2nd order about 4pm.  I had pushed through and kept moving the best I could and the miracle was right around the corner.  So NEVER GIVE UP! The miracle around the corner could possibly be the miracle you've been waiting for all your life and it might be as simple as receiving the call you needed or the hug you needed from a friend.

The moral of the story for the day.  Ask for help, pray, and keep moving until you turn the corner!